FAQ
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Fairly Annoying Questions, even worse answers.
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Who the four stars are you?
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| Well, I’m not a type of petrol nor a pastry ingredient. ‘Use your imagination’ I always tell people, I’m whatever you want me to be, provided, and only provided you want me to be a 36-year-old, slightly balding, vegan, teetotal, tree-hugging hippy freak with an occasional penchant for very salty mashed potato.
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Why don't you have your photo on the site?
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| No reason really, but how many writers publish things next to their photos? I prefer it to be a mystery.
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| Ah, this question always foxes me. I honestly don’t know. I grew up in the countryside near three towns all of which have played a fairly equal part in my life. I usually tell people Manchester but then I’m stuck having to explain why I support an Italian team and not Manchester United.
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This is not me |
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| Yes, I am just one person.
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What was your biggest achievement?
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This ! |
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Where would you most like to go on holiday?
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| Don’t know, I can go and work there, wherever it is. Maybe Montenegro, Uzbekistan or Peru. Or Japan.
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| Being ignored, for example sending emails and not getting replies. People who reply to me in English when I'm speaking to them in their language. British Post Office counter staff. British Post Office queues. The people in British Post Office queues. The topics of conversation of people in British Post Office queues. Throwing two darts in the 60 and the third one somewhere round double 4. People who think that I must be rich because I’m British. People who won’t sell me one kilo of potatoes thinking I’ll buy two. And, SMS shorthand language and its migration into daily written communication.
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| Well, it's not very 'now' to have heroes, but as you asked:
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| Greatest genius ever, IMHO!
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| THAT penalty will always make me smile!
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| Italian writer of some repute
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| Mastermind of ten very happy years in South Cheshire
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| Greatest sportsman ever (if darts is a sport)
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| A footballer of grace and very great dignity
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| No matter what my mood, this guy always made it better. Ronnie Barker.
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What was the first sentence you said in Italian?
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| Tu mi mandi proprio fuori di testa con i tuoi bellissimi occhi sardi!
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What job did you do before you became a teacher?
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| I worked in local government administration but also worked as a freelance journalist and writer. Many of the things I have written are on the ‘Other Writing’ page on this website.
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What other music do you like, apart from Jethro Tull?
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| Well, a range really, as it should be. Bands of note include Half Man Half Biscuit, the unintentional definition of being a British lad in the late millennium, as it was. I also like the Levellers, Cream, Avion Travel, The Ukrainians and other stuff including dance music, the more powerful and melodic the better. But no actual dancing, thanks. Paola and Chiara are two Italian sisters who write a nice tune. Rousing choral music is nice too, as is soft choral music the likes of which was used as backing music during the elven scenes during The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Incredible Stringband also, intelligently and deliberately peculiar. Oh, and Abba are cool too. There’s more, it’s not healthy to be able to list all your favourite sounds.
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Do you have any political beliefs?
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| Not partisan. I believe in democracy but not that we really have it. Besides, party politics is the main off-shoot of the limited democratic system we have today, resulting in smiling governments too obsessed with re-election than earning it constructively. They might argue the latter leads to the former but I’m not so sure, if they’re so good at running the country why spend millions trying to point it out to us? It’s like an insecure supermodel trying to point out to people how slim she is. We know when things are rosy, guys. And then when they win power they’re too busy clinging to it to use it effectively.
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| And, Obama excepted, most Western politicians are not ‘leaders’. Leaders empower our smiles, politicians merely wear them. A true leader inspires. David Beckham is more of a figurehead for Great Britain than the ‘elected’ leader.
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| I am completely against capital punishment.
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| I don't eat any foods of animal origin.
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Why don't you eat any foods of animal origin?
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Where do you get your protein from?
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Do you still write plays?
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| Well I could, but I've sometimes found motivation a problem. Same answer re: books. And also being a teacher I find that so much of my creative energy goes on the job. That’s why it took five years to get started on this project. Oh, and I couldn’t afford a website before SGW.
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How many languages do you speak?
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| Well. fluently only really three, but I am more than competent in 7 (including English) and improving in all bar French and Arabic at the moment.
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Why don’t you use Facebook or Myspace?
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| Why should I? I have my own website, besides, those sites are too mainstream. Those who follow the crowd very quickly get lost in it.
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What is your claim to fame?
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| Well, I suppose nowadays it’s having met Sir Chris Hoy at the Manchester Velodrome when I was into track cycling. He seemed a bit preoccupied but wished me luck all the same. I think that was the last time I rode the track before moving to Italy. I wanted to get into the sport, and without being too bold with my retrospective prognosis, I was actually pretty good, and think it would be fair to say a little potential was let slide. But not everybody is born to be a track cycling gold medallist, I had other things to get my teeth into, so I left the very honourable Sir Hoy to his intensive track work while my quadriceps led me into the classroom instead. Watching him win three golds was awesome and he is a very worthy Knight of the British Empire, but it also reminded me that, as I sat there in my mid-thirties, it is too late now. I won’t ever achieve that. I know it doesn’t matter, but part of it is also that melancholy reminder that chances do so easily go begging.
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How long do you spend on this website a week?
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| About two or three hours.
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What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
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| Humble pie. I find getting things wrong can save cooking.
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